Adulthood Trauma & Resilience

Three months ago I got ejected from Guadeloupe the country my paternal lineage is from; and a huge part of me that has taken immense resilience to reconnect with. I moved there after two years of travel restrictions with the intention to stay, to settle and build a home with peace and stability something I’ve been tirelessly yearning for. I amazed myself at what I built and the home I created. I secured a long term lease, unexpectedly rescued two street dogs; made deep friendships and routine and was living with so much joy honestly.

It was magical. And then suddenly with 8 days notice I had to dismantle everything. As a Guadeloupean without official colonial citizenship I am only allowed to be there for 90 days. I thought I had six months but didn’t properly do research and honestly feel so at home there forget I need to. It truly broke my heart. I returned back to Canada where I had basically nothing waiting for me and have been in a period of inaction since overwhelmed with so many complications and sacrifices and discomfort I basically only had the capacity to sit with that reality and I am finally re-emerging and taking action. I am determined to create a home here.

I recently shared with someone that I am moving and they said “don’t you ever just want to settle down- you’re always moving” I felt quite hurt my this comment because they have no idea how much I do. Often people who move so much is due to displacement trauma or survival. I’ve been reflecting a lot on the compounding impacts of adulthood trauma lately and how they really don’t get considered as much as childhood trauma for example. Experiencing trauma as an adult which most of us do does have significant impact our abilities to participate in basic adulthood growth milestones.

After a few months off Instagram my capacity to listen and hear people’s experiences has sharpened even deeper. I see so many people sharing parts of theirs stories and I am really blown away by so many of the things people go thru and work to over come the resilience and strength we can find within ourselves to do the best we can and make things better. 

I look forward to the transformation I am currently going thru and the next version of myself that is birthing.  

The past few months have been hard but there is a reason I was sent back to Canada and it was to tackle some of the patterns to there core and completely release them so they no longer have control or impact on me. I went to there deepest level of struggle and I release it entirely. I am ready to live with ease, peace, comfort, and joy in canada and everywhere.