As some of you may know the past 2,5 years I spent in continuous temporary living situations expecting to fly to guadeloupe but I had 6 canceled flights. This properly challenged me and left me to face some immense intergenerational and ancestral wounds; i had no escape.
I had to face the father wound, abandonment trauma, emotional avoidance.
I had to face displacement and running away. I was forced not to run and I was forced to go deep in to survival mode and change this narrative for myself. I will live in ease and in peace. I speak about this process and how Plantago Major Oil helped in my grounding and healing displacement wounds in previous blog posts.
I had to confront being completely financially humbled and building myself back up. I had to face a new level of disregulated nervous system and learn to regulate through the thick of ancestral anxiety and full body nervousness. I had to comfront childhood memories of nervousness and release the the survival mode and fear of those before me.
I had to learn to comfront my humility and ask for help and that its okay to accept support. The beauty of friendship, sisterhood, community, really showered me. I had to tap into some deep resilience to build myself back up and my iammeeshaa creations were certainly a huge source of resilience and determination to break through. I write about this process in previous blogs. The intensity of being unexpectedly humbled is constantly life changing.
I had to choose to leave abusive dynamics and no longer tolerate yelling, psychological manipulations of disempowerment, and protect my inner child by teaching her you can leave without running away, you can assert boundaries and leave when they are disrespected. You do not need to run from abuse you can leave abuse.
I had to confront the mother wound to face showing myself and exposing myself to the world being seen and heard and being misunderstood, but still showing up dedicated to my authentic expression and breaking intergenrational patterns and conditions.
I am no longer small, I am no longer scared. I can look at myself in the mirror and acknowledge that I am beautiful and I am allowed to have confidence and worth and empowerment to live as a sovereign being.
I had to step away from relationships to heal some deep wounds of the womb, sexual trauma, and dis-ease, and come back to my autonomy, my safety, my sensuality, my sexuality. I was ready for the time to learn how to open within myself and not expect or need this to be done with another. I gave myself the time to fully disattach and cleanse myself from all previous relationships and cut all cords clear all sap that was stuck on me and liberate. I Realized all my attachments were only there because I previously thought they were the ones who allowed me to open but really opening is always my choice and offering and can always be accessed independly and shared when I want.
I realized the attachments to these relationships or people were there as attachments to the lessons that I needed to confront and learn from that I could not walk away from the lesson without adressing and this allowed me to release all attachments as they werent actually with the people but in the reflection of what i needed to work at inwardly.
After 11 years of veganism I had to start consciously eating meat again and letting my body recover and shape shift and heal.
I came to a point where I completely addressed and came full circle with some deep core grievances that I no longer connect or associate with many past versions of myself or my life I acknowledge them and appreciate them but they no longer control or dictate my livelihood they were largely associated with recovery, healing from victimhood, from suffering, from codependency, from disempowerment.
In my empowered state it is no longer part of me. I feel like I have had such a significant rebirth I am just starting to understand this new version of myself a version of myself that is no longer, the weak the small the vulnerable but the strong, the wise, the confident, the sensual, the liberated, the wild, the full expression of my Essence.
I am learning the mystery of myself which makes me of no mystery to others. I accept that it is safe to be seen and it is safe to be misunderstood. That my essence is allowed to shine that I am allowed to take up space in a liberate sense.
A few notes I will say on this:
A tribute to the years of slow gentle beautiful healing I took to get to a place where I am liberated from the conditionings to be small and in captivity. I have gotten to a place where I am strong confident and free I no longer associate with the weak, fragile, innocent or victim archetypes. All past versions of myself have died I have made full circle peace with them to the point I am able to fully move on and no longer associate with them I am a completely new person. And I will continue to be ever changing.
Each liberated aspect of being has a backstory and must be respected. In my liberation I share things a previous version of myself never would have imagined possible. A past version of myself who was not allowed to wear tank tops because they were too revealing or who was slut shamed if they wore shorts, or shamed if they looked in the mirror or came close to acknowledging beauty was once behind these eyes as much as I part with these I honour her and value all the work she did to get me to where I am. I also recognize the majority of people will never know her and no longer need to. Ive recently deleted the majority of my photos on instagram as that aligns with the parting of these past versions of myself. That being said every time I share a part of myself it is a true celebration or resilience, of healing, of care to my soul and being seen is still hard for me as its new like many breaking beyond what used to be forbidden!
IamMeeshaa is a container to share my essence through various creations! Each creation represents a liberated part of myself that I am ready to share with the world.
It has been amazing to spend the past few months with Zingiber Officinalis Oil as its golden glowing matter infuse deeper and deeper the color of golden beach sand giving me hope and determination to keep pushing to land home.
Zingiber Officinalis Oil ( Zoo) is an energizing face serum that brings life, the sensation of birth, and creation the desire to move, to live, to dance, to open, to free. Like splashing water from the ocean on to the face it livens the energy and awakes you to energy.
It is a gateway to creative essence, to sophisticated magic, to the business woman and creative being. I apply Zingiber Officinalis Oil after washing my face in the mornings and evenings and I also carry it with me through out the day to apply or smell when I need an energy boost for stamina or attention. Zingiber Officinalis Oil is a little bottle of super power that has been so supportive in tapping into resilience, creation, birth, and confidence.
Zingiber Officinalis Oil is a testament to the new liberated and free version of myself! IamMeeshaa thank you Zoo.