Ancestral healing is looking at a lot of very uncomfortable emotions that shake your body and nervous system to its core of revelation.

I recently went through a financial scare that scared me so much that I started getting anxiety and nervousness that felt so debilatating. I  came to realize this is ancestral anxiety.

Our body remembering the memory of these experiences in past life times perhaps lived to a greater degree but the closeness to reliving these circumstances triggers the muscle memory and the body reacts through anxiety and nervousness even in times when on the outside things seem safe or the anxiety seems irrational or uncalled for. This is probably the greatest message that the anxiety is coming through from a very deep place not only is it felt from this life but from past life. and their is a wound here that is still looking to be supported and relieved.

Further its a memory of this life and childhood I feel myself embrace and take on all the energy of fear and nervousness I felt from my independent caregiver when I was a baby and I feel their projection of fear and worry of me reliving or being in a difficult situation. I remember all these emotions in my body as an adult that I lived as a baby. I allow myself to dis-attach from others emotions so that they can take ownership of their own emotions without projection and I come back to my own self trust and individuated emotions. 

The projections of this fear and nervousness manifest as gnarly eczema on my right center arm in the shape of my island Guadeloupe. Intuitively I know this is an inter-generational wound that is ready to leave my body and it has mutated to physical form to help guide me in this release. In my dreams I find clarity to the individuation from fear and I choose my sovereingty and give back what is no longer mine to carry. I allow us both closure, peace, and release. Overnight the wound completely heals. Plantago Major guided me to let the eczema run its course it shared with me that it was on a mission to extract something that was no longer serving me and the medicinal properties were not necessary for this break out that it would cure itself once I processed the associated emotions. 

These emotions have to process themselves through my system and I have to get to their core. Otherwise the trauma memory continues to breathe through me everytime theirs a trigger obvious or invisible to this lifetime but known and felt.

It has been deeply humbling to experience this financial scare and it has got me thinking so much about my privilege. Theirs a lot I didn’t realize before that now I notice from having a deeper connection to this reality of the effects money scarcity has on your nervous system.

Financial wealth and nervous system regulation are connected and this largely also connects to privilege.

Privilege to have a safe place where you can regulate your nervous system and privilege to have tools and resources to develop the skills it takes to learn to do this even in unsafe spaces.

When you are experiencing anxiety related to money it is very difficult to take the time to organize resumes and send out applications because you are focusing on survival. A disregulated nervous system in survival mode I think is how a lot of people end up in poverty.

When you are in survival mode it is so difficult to do the basic functions of living cleaning the house, cooking, self care. Ive recently been mirrored by another this situation where survival mode has led to working to keep the kids fed but the at home things are neglected because theirs so many other things that need to get done to keep the surface basics a float.

Deeper to the core can you look at or expose the wounds. Inside the cabinets, the fridge, the sink beyond the surfaces in the creases of the home. The home is a reflection of our inner state of our body.

When you find rotting food and garbage and so much unhealthy things taking up space and rotting its a huge mirror to the body of what is not being looked at. the wounds within the self that need care and attention and a deep clean.

Survival mode is a vicious and destructive state that reuiqres so much resilience to get through. But its okay to be too tired, to be to scared and to just rest and to ask for help.

In a state of sudden financial caution I can see some people have lived with this caution further restriction and even poverty their whole lives and I have so much privilege to have a base of wealth and abundance and knowledge and skills to look after myself and my nervous system that protects me from spiralling.

I realize beyond money theirs so many ways to help someone and we all need to continue to help each other out in what ever ways we can. I can still show up and clean someones house or bring out the garbage or do the dishes.

When you’re in survival finding the energy to do some of these basic things especially when their left to spiral out of hand can be impossible to start as its so compilled; it can really help to have someone step in and help get past the surface and start looking at the root sources whether this is cleaning a house or a therapist.

I notice the privilege ive had in being able to both call for a cleaner to clean the house or to call for a therapy session.

Visiting this place of caution helps me connect on a much deeper understanding with the ways poverty happens. Trauma is a big source of this as well especially intergenerational trauma.

It took me 2 years to recover from traumatic death and life altering grief to get back on my feet. I realize that recovery was crucial but also now that i’m back on my feet and stepping back into the regular world my resume is gapped and I missed out on after graduation work experience. So coming back into the workforce after quite a bit of time off is challenging. Its questionable why i have this time off and on the surface leaves room for judgement or rejection.  I realize a lot of people go through debilitating traumas and the recovery can take longer and this survival mode can lead to spending a lot of money or not being employable and potential poverty.

Living surfacely without an awareness of our roots is masking and hiding the work that needs to be confronted whether this is individually or collectively its felt. If I am doing okay but someone else is still living in survival or poverty I am not really okay. We are all connected and all have to help each other out. Money comes and goes it fluctuates one moment you’re able to help people out and share and buy the next you’re not and could use some help. This is the beauty of sharing and reciprocation because it all comes back around. I am grateful to all those I have been able to help who I know will also help me. And I am humbled by the reality of this ebb and flow. This humility allows one to be of better service being more connected to the roots of what we are going through in the depth of struggling. I can not live abundantly if it bypasses struggle it all has to be included I will work towards wealth that is from the ground up and shared. 

I have found healing in going to the roots not trying to mask or suppress this reality or try to cover it up. I appreciate the mirror of my friend right now and her experience that is reflecting back to me my privilege even while in a temporary struggle. There is always someone struggling more and everyones struggle is worthy but given that we all also have the ability to help in different ways when we are strong enough to do so. We can build back from struggle and continue to lift each other up.

My biggest take away from this is the importance of compassion and not judging. As soon as there is judgment there is breaches of trust and hurt. It causes people to retract and hide their struggle. If you see someone struggling and you judge them or shame them you are creating so much division. Instead why not simply lend a hand and help. If you think someones living conditions are not okay get in there and help. Maybe this is through financial help or helping them with groceries or cleaning the house or a ride.  When you break the barrier of judgement and actually interact youll invite understanding and compassion to learn about another person lived expereince.

sudden trauma or life experience can unexpectedly shatter financial security so stay humble and help when you can. 

Also acknowledge beyond image their is conditions so many people present themselves in a way that they hope says their good having a good phone, fancy hair, I notice theirs a lot of superficial fixations on outward appearance and presentation and behind close doors the facade is unprocessed laundry, dishes, garbage, alcohol, cigarettes. in other words unprocessed emotions, and disregulated nervous systems where functionning is the primary task at least maintain the image.

Why do we struggle to be honest about whats behind closed doors? Why are people so judgemental towards hardship? is it because a fear it could hit home? Why is there so much shame in not being okay not being able to keep up being too tired. Why is there so much pressure to have it all together. Whose standards are being followed and how disassociated are we? We need to get to the roots of things and come home and help each other clean the houses.  because collevctively this is a reflection of the state of our world and the home our earth thats also full of trash and and overexploited resources.

For myself I recognize even in my temporary struggle I am hugely privileged and I know it is temporary. I have been healing by tapping into a new level of trust when the anxiety attack come I allow myself to feel nervous and I cry if I have to and I come back to my breath. I breathe until I relax over and over and over again. I come back to my body and remember that I can find safety within my body even without a home. I remember that I am protected and safe and their is a reason for everything I am going through and everything is working out best case scenario. I remember that within me I have been investing in myself for years and I have a wealth of knowledge and skills to support myself. I can find resources to continue on and also trust in miracles.

Through this time my resilience has stemmed primarily through my connection to medicine and creation if I can have the ability to create this I can support myself. My oils have Brought me resilience in coming home to autonomy and independence they have fed me and saved me. This experience has shown me the power and beauty in small businesses and the importance to support small businesses and the impact each sale truly has. 

We are all in a circle walking each other home and can all offer support at different times in our lives depending on our ever changing positionalities especially surrounding the money. I release all fear and judgement and I return to the source I comfront poverty by cleaning the closets by washing the dishes by taking out the garbage. I make space for clarity for peace. 

And thats the beauty in healing eventually once you make space to look through all your closets and cabinets and do the self work to clean and clear your emotional state and regulate your nervous system and look at your traumas, fears, and suffering you can release it and make space to open up to learn about the suffering of another and share compassion maybe from previously living a similar situation or for completely opening your perspectives to a new suffering another can go through and relating through care and when you have the resources for genuine desired help;  helping.

In many ways i am a bridge in this life between two very different worlds. This has been a theme in past lives as well living between world of rich and poor. I lived in proximity to financial wealth and resources but was captive. In this life it is my first lifetime experiencing freedom i am finally freeing myself and finding ways to source my own income, to own and operate my own business and create financial wealth and abundance for myself in a sovereign way. And in this life their have been many pattern mirrors to challenge me and push me to choose to break free from intergenerational belief systems of keeping me small, controlled, and weak. This is over- I am free!